Whether the discussion is “Victim/Victor” by John O’Leary, or “Victim/Responsible” by Dan Dorr, the message is a critical part of our FOCUS sessions to encourage our participants to move on with their lives regardless of events.
Being the victim of circumstances creates Resentment, Resistance, and Revenge (the 3R’s) which leads one into a vicious cycle of anger and looking for ways to get even for circumstances from bad events. Perpetuating the cycle of victim, resentment, resistance, and revenge, creates a vicious downward spiral that will make one feel angry, worthless, confused, defeated, alone, shameful, weak, etc. If you cannot find methods to get past the victimization, it will eventually define who you are and take control of your life. Perpetual victimization will cost you friends, family, relationships, and may even affect your career path.
Bad things beyond our control happen to us all. But how do you put the victimization aside and take responsibility for your choices. Here are some steps to consider….
- Drop blame, shame, and guilt – just state the facts. How you talk about your story to yourself as well as others will determine your mindset.
- Don’t embellish – drop the drama. We all naturally use drama to win people over to our respective points of view.
- Start earlier in the story. Consider what choices were made that created the circumstances that resulted in the bad events? Review these choices to determine what may have been done differently that may have avoided the event.
To achieve happiness and contentment, one must drop the victimization for the bad things that happen. One of our FOCUS Marines summed it up perfectly, “…the dog that wins the fight is the one that you feed the most” – if that “dog” is victimization, you’ll be an angry victim for life.